You never
know when the most shocking things are going to happen because they just happen
without notice and right then and there your knocked off your feet.
Tonight my
friend that I have known from freshmen year of college is dropping out of
school and going home tomorrow. She’s not dropping out because of grades she’s
dropping out because she isn’t mentally stable to continue.
The words
that came out of her mouth made the room fall silent. “I haven’t been feeling
myself” and how she hasn’t been sleeping well lately. What teared me to the
core was when she said that she was depressed and was having suicidal thoughts.
When your
friend that you care about says that you think about how you could have been so
oblivious to not have seen this coming. Your room is right next to her!! She
hasn’t wanted to go out as much this semester. I wrote it off as not wanting to
do anything because she just started dating this guy. I knew she wasn’t
sleeping but I thought maybe she was just thinking too much and I noticed she
was around the house more; less time in class.
I guess
there are a lot of things that I SHOULD HAVE seen but didn’t but there is
honestly nothing I could have done or planned for this to have happened. She
said she did a good job of hiding it from everyone. She didn’t tell anyone. I
don’t know how people do that, keeping a huge secret like that. Embarrassed was
the word she described her situation. How can you be embarrassed it’s not your
fault even though it seems like it is.
The worst
part is I don’t know whether I’m going to see her again. She’s leaving tomorrow
and I don’t know when she’s coming back. It hasn’t fully set in yet that I’m
not going to see her going into the bathroom every morning, dance with her
during pregame,’s and get annoyed with her like I would any friend. I wish I
could have helped her. I hope she knows she’s not alone; it’s so easy to feel
alone, to get caught up in something that you can’t handle it. I don’t even
know how to act around her anymore.
Do I act normal?
Do I act extra gentle?
Sometimes
you feel like you’re the only one suffering that every has this perfect life
while your sitting there struggling but if you look a little closer not
everything is the way it seems. Appreciate the people your around everyday even
stranger’s even at their worst points because you never know the pain they
carry with them.
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